Eco crimes at the car wash

 When the tipping point of daily dirt and evidence of disgraceful in- car
-eating has been reached, it's time to get professional help.  So its off to
the car wash, a fine way to waste Sunday time. However the car must first
be cleared of the worst mess, not to lessen the work load of the washers but
rather to ease my own embarrassment. If you habitually clean up before the
arrival of the neighbourhood domestic worker, and who doesn't, you know what
I mean. Is that in case she tells her friends how dirty you are? Thought
that was the point of being able to pay someone to take the rough edges off
reality that allow you to pretend that the ironing does itself.

Reality television has a lot to answer for, but the lowest point has to be
the shows that pick on some squalor addict, finding filth and disarray in
the family home, always American, and setting to rights the emotional habits
of a lifetime in a handy half hour with ad breaks. The victim usually  ends
up in tears, as the life unlived is turfed into bin bags and they are
confronted with the terrifying reality of a shallow existance consisting of
shopping mall visits and closet space dilemmas. You couldn't do that show
here, based on greed, excess, and inappropriate fashion choices.

This is why small is good in so many ways, because when there's no more
space that's it, you are forced into action.  Can't find the gear stick,
lost the dog in the debris on the backseat, well then it's time for 'How
clean is your car' sponsored by Auto friss for a car that smells as good as
you do.

Plastic water bottles are items I battle to throw away, because they will
come in handy, and really should be recycled. I found five in the car and
two in the boot.  Eco dilema, keep them and add to mess or chuck and add to
imaginary personal pile of rubbish? This would be the accumulated rubbish
discarded over a lifetime.

The year is 2058, the show is Earth crime scene investigator, sponsored by
Autofriss. Hunky sensitive lead actor mumbles to jury, ''The perp was a
female of 20th century vintage as evidenced by traces of lipstick on these
discarded but fully recyclable bottles. She did knowingly throw them away to
be put into a land fill  and never biodegrade''

"Clone her, bring her back to answer for her crimes," the audience chant,
comfortable in their organic hemp tunics.

Imagine being pulled back through time to answer for why exactly you threw
that toxin leaching insect repellant into the garden or why you used up a
rain forest of paper in filing documents that merited five minutes of your
time  but were given immortality thanks to acid free additives.   Or for
that matter why you  used gazillion gallons of water washing the car. After
all this feverish imagining there is really nothing for it but to bite the
bullet and get the job done, and at least at the carwash, I can be with my
people, who have all been led here by the urge to get their cars washed and
read the papers in peace, and start a new week with the sense of hope that a
clean car brings.