Resolutions for other people

So 366 days later we are going into the hairpin bend of year end, making plans, hoping for better. Every year we set ourselves ever higher tasks, such as lose weight, get rich, stop socially unacceptable habits, be nice to people who irritate us. We should have learnt by now that New Years resolutions are best made, and broken in the spirit of festive debauchery, and forgotten just as quickly.
The end of the year brings a sense of hope, however misguided, that next year will be great, that we will be better people, suddenly better looking, somehow more worthy. Alas.
My resolution is really a hardening of a belief that self improvement is a wonderful money spinner, and I must get into the industry but barring extreme surgery, what exactly can that miracle cream do for me? I was offended recently by an infomercial that referred to getting rid of your "disgusting cellulite". Look, it may not be pretty, but it's harmless, quite interesting to look at, strangely lumpy and in unexpected places, and actually attached to my person. It may be unfortunate, but it's not disgusting. The cure for cellulite is apparently an evil regime consisting of denial of coffee, sugar, alcohol and fat. As if thats going to happen. I resolve this year to be kind to cellulite starting with not calling it names.
As for those deep seated wrinkles, that apparently can vanish with the application of budget breaking goo, well this year I resolve to just rub money on them, twice a day, between cleansing, and toning. Same thing really.
So in the spirit of the new year, l have decided to make resolutions for other people.

Future prez Zuma should resolve to hand in his machine gun, and join Gun Free SA thus setting a good example for the youth. Speaking of which, the Youth League should lower their age restriction to 25, or change their name to the middle aged league. The Government should take job creation seriously by ensuring rotation of top posts every six months, sharing the wealth, and we may find some effective individuals if there is limited time to make an impact.
The environment should be a priority along with job creation so let's institute tax breaks for people who don't throw stuff out of their cars.
You could get money back for keeping your rubbish on board. Unemployed people can be set to work cleaning up the stuff that people throw into rivers and out of their car windows. It's called recycling, and is a new fangled idea of reusing resources, such as paper, plastic, glass and metal. Hope it catches on. With our recycled materials lets make a local car, something tough enough for South African streets, with variable suspension, and wheels that operate independently, so while one is in a hole the other three are maintaining ground contact. We could call it the pothole pronker. We could power it with one of those natural resources we have in abundance, not hot air but sunlight, the rays not the liquid.
Yes a new year bring new opportunities, new ideas and new chances to laugh, so just keep smiling, only 365 days to go.