New rules of the road.

This list has come out of the fact that clearly the current road rules are too complicated since they are generally ignored. So here's the crib notes to stay alive on the road.
Rule number one, drive with your eyes open, yes, we all want to close our eyes and pray, when it looks like we may crash, but amazingly all round vision improves if you keep them open, stay focussed, and awake. In addition you can exercise your neck by looking around just to check if there are other road users driving with their eyes shut. Just a thought.

Rule number two, you must be able to see over the steering wheel, sorry this is non negotiable. There's nothing more alarming for fellow road users than to be approached at high speed by an apparently driverless vehicle. Get an adjustable seat if particularly short waisted.
Rule number three if you are parked on the road side, it is traditional to check for other vehicles before pulling out. It's a fine distinction but really quite important, check before you go, not after finishing your cell phone call, or in between applying lipstick, or when under the truck you didn't see coming. This leads to rule four. Your car is a public space so save personal hygiene for the privacy of your bathroom. What ever is in your ear, or up your nose is of no interest to other road users, and will be just as fascinating later, in private. Preening is much more enjoyable in the bathroom with lots of candles, and those rearview mirrors are terrible when putting on make up. On this note affection is a wonderful thing but it can go too far, so don't let the excitement get out of hand, unless you want an audience.
Rule number five, unless you are a superhero, with special multitasking superpowers you can't drive and phone, text, or facebook at the same time. Accept it, no one can, there's no shame.
Rule number six, while you may be psychic, no one else is, so sending thoughts to other drivers about your need to stop suddenly really doesn't work, so do try to use that stick on the side of the steering wheel to show what you plan to do next. It is called an indicator for a reason.
Rule seven, big vehicles can do whatever they like. No, silly this is a democracy and everyone has to follow the same rules, so even if you are stupidly rich, incredibly important or criminally talented you can't just ride roughshod over smaller vehicles. Even motorbikes have the right to use the roads. You have to be extra careful to spot those tiny roadusers, and give them extra space. Its only fair.
Rule number eight, stop at four way stops. Even if the guy in front of you is going, it's not your turn yet. Whoever reaches the stop first goes first, not whoever doesn't stop. It's not a race.
Rule number ten, pedestrians carry no points, are people too and may dawdle across the road at any time. You may not run them down, not even if they are drunk. These road rules apply equally to all users, and are effective immediately. To apply for a special exemption send money now.